Today is Thursday, October 1st, 2009

I should be at work right now, but after a sleepless night of tossing, and turning, and getting up with a huge headache, I called off. I really can't afford to take a day off, because I REALLY NEED the money, but I wouldn't have gotten much done feeling like I do.

Why does life have to be so hard, that it keeps you from getting a good nights sleep? Why do the worries just keep on piling up? Why can't an older person get a decent paying job so they can support themselves? It just doesn't seem fair.

Once upon a time I had a guy in my life who treated me like I was someone special. We were happy together. We laughed most all the time, took mini vacations on the weekends, and always spent quality time together. We were always doing something. Going out for dinner, or to the movies. Playing pool, shopping, or just going out for a drive on a nice day. Life was great. Enjoyable. Worth living. I was actually happy, even though I totally hated living in Florida.

He wanted to start his own business, so of course I helped do what I could. His uncle gave him enough money to get him started with all the leagle mumbo jumbo. The business took off quite well, and he started making lots of money. Enough money to buy a house back in my hometown in PA. I was homesick, so the house was going to be our 2nd home for vacations, and possibly retirement.
He put me on the payroll as an employee, even though I really didn't do much, but at least I was pulling a decent paycheck to pay my bills with, and I didn't have to be stuck working the crappy jobs I had before.

Remembered

I remembered something that my mother used to say, when I was a kid. She used to say it quite a bit. She used to say, "I'm not living, I'm just existing" I never knew what she meant by it, but I do now, because I find myself saying those exact words. It's a damn shame that anyone has to feel like this, but in todays world, it's hard not to.
When you're constantly being slapped in the face at every turn, knocked down when you're trying to climb out of a hole, how else are you suppoed to feel?

Now as for what my mother was thinking, when she said those words, I couldn't say. I don't know how she was feeling. Depressed I would imagine, because that's how I'm feeling. Lonely maybe? Yep.. I know that feeling all to well. I'm pretty sure that the reasons for her depression and loneliness were quite different than mine though.

This blog is going to be about the things that truly bother me about the world we live in. Things I think about all the time. The unfairness that we all have to deal with in todays society. Things that really piss me off, but can't do a thing about. At times, it may sound like I'm sitting on that old pitty pot. Maybe I am, but I have good reason to, as I'm sure many others do too. Especially when you feel like you have no options, or simply don't know what to do, or where to turn. When your feeling broken, worn out, and wondering why you were even put on this planet.